|The Comedy of Errors|
| Comedy of Errors
| Act 4, Scene 4
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Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus and the Officer
Fear me not, man; I will not break away:DROMIO OF EPHESUS
I'll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money,
To warrant thee, as I am 'rested for.
My wife is in a wayward mood to-day,
And will not lightly trust the messenger
That I should be attach'd in Ephesus,
I tell you, 'twill sound harshly in her ears.
Enter DROMIO of Ephesus with a rope's-endHere comes my man; I think he brings the money.
How now, sir! have you that I sent you for?
Here's that, I warrant you, will pay them all.OF EPHESUS
But where's the money?DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.OF EPHESUS
Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope?DROMIO OF EPHESUS
I'll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.OF EPHESUS
To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?DROMIO OF EPHESUS
To a rope's-end, sir; and to that end am I returned.OF EPHESUS
And to that end, sir, I will welcome you.Officer
Good sir, be patient.DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Nay, 'tis for me to be patient; I am in adversity.Officer
Good, now, hold thy tongue.DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.OF EPHESUS
Thou whoreson, senseless villain!DROMIO OF EPHESUS
I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feelANTIPHOLUS
Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is anDROMIO OF EPHESUS
I am an ass, indeed; you may prove it by my longOF EPHESUS
ears. I have served him from the hour of my
nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his
hands for my service but blows. When I am cold, he
heats me with beating; when I am warm, he cools me
with beating; I am waked with it when I sleep;
raised with it when I sit; driven out of doors with
it when I go from home; welcomed home with it when
I return; nay, I bear it on my shoulders, as a
beggar wont her brat; and, I think when he hath
lamed me, I shall beg with it from door to door.
Come, go along; my wife is coming yonder.DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, the Courtezan, and PINCH
Mistress, 'respice finem,' respect your end; orOF EPHESUS
rather, the prophecy like the parrot, 'beware the
Wilt thou still talk?Courtezan
How say you now? is not your husband mad?ADRIANA
His incivility confirms no less.LUCIANA
Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer;
Establish him in his true sense again,
And I will please you what you will demand.
Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks!Courtezan
Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy!PINCH
Give me your hand and let me feel your pulse.OF EPHESUS
There is my hand, and let it feel your ear.PINCH
I charge thee, Satan, housed within this man,OF EPHESUS
To yield possession to my holy prayers
And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight:
I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven!
Peace, doting wizard, peace! I am not mad.ADRIANA
O, that thou wert not, poor distressed soul!OF EPHESUS
You minion, you, are these your customers?ADRIANA
Did this companion with the saffron face
Revel and feast it at my house to-day,
Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut
And I denied to enter in my house?
O husband, God doth know you dined at home;OF EPHESUS
Where would you had remain'd until this time,
Free from these slanders and this open shame!
Dined at home! Thou villain, what sayest thou?DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.OF EPHESUS
Were not my doors lock'd up and I shut out?DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Perdie, your doors were lock'd and you shut out.OF EPHESUS
And did not she herself revile me there?DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Sans fable, she herself reviled you there.OF EPHESUS
Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Certes, she did; the kitchen-vestal scorn'd you.OF EPHESUS
And did not I in rage depart from thence?DROMIO OF EPHESUS
In verity you did; my bones bear witness,ADRIANA
That since have felt the vigour of his rage.
Is't good to soothe him in these contraries?PINCH
It is no shame: the fellow finds his vein,OF EPHESUS
And yielding to him humours well his frenzy.
Thou hast suborn'd the goldsmith to arrest me.ADRIANA
Alas, I sent you money to redeem you,DROMIO OF EPHESUS
By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.
Money by me! heart and goodwill you might;OF EPHESUS
But surely master, not a rag of money.
Went'st not thou to her for a purse of ducats?ADRIANA
He came to me and I deliver'd it.LUCIANA
And I am witness with her that she did.DROMIO OF EPHESUS
God and the rope-maker bear me witnessPINCH
That I was sent for nothing but a rope!
Mistress, both man and master is possess'd;OF EPHESUS
I know it by their pale and deadly looks:
They must be bound and laid in some dark room.
Say, wherefore didst thou lock me forth to-day?ADRIANA
And why dost thou deny the bag of gold?
I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.DROMIO OF EPHESUS
And, gentle master, I received no gold;ADRIANA
But I confess, sir, that we were lock'd out.
Dissembling villain, thou speak'st false in both.OF EPHESUS
Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all;ADRIANA
And art confederate with a damned pack
To make a loathsome abject scorn of me:
But with these nails I'll pluck out these false eyes
That would behold in me this shameful sport.
Enter three or four, and offer to bind him. He strives
O, bind him, bind him! let him not come near me.PINCH
More company! The fiend is strong within him.LUCIANA
Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks!OF EPHESUS
What, will you murder me? Thou gaoler, thou,Officer
I am thy prisoner: wilt thou suffer them
To make a rescue?
Masters, let him goPINCH
He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him.
Go bind this man, for he is frantic too.ADRIANA
They offer to bind Dromio of Ephesus
What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer?Officer
Hast thou delight to see a wretched man
Do outrage and displeasure to himself?
He is my prisoner: if I let him go,ADRIANA
The debt he owes will be required of me.
I will discharge thee ere I go from thee:OF EPHESUS
Bear me forthwith unto his creditor,
And, knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it.
Good master doctor, see him safe convey'd
Home to my house. O most unhappy day!
O most unhappy strumpet!DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Master, I am here entered in bond for you.OF EPHESUS
Out on thee, villain! wherefore dost thou mad me?DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Will you be bound for nothing? be mad, good master:LUCIANA
cry 'The devil!'
God help, poor souls, how idly do they talk!ADRIANA
Go bear him hence. Sister, go you with me.Officer
Exeunt all but Adriana, Luciana, Officer and CourtezanSay now, whose suit is he arrested at?
One Angelo, a goldsmith: do you know him?ADRIANA
I know the man. What is the sum he owes?Officer
Two hundred ducats.ADRIANA
Say, how grows it due?Officer
Due for a chain your husband had of him.ADRIANA
He did bespeak a chain for me, but had it not.Courtezan
When as your husband all in rage to-dayADRIANA
Came to my house and took away my ring--
The ring I saw upon his finger now--
Straight after did I meet him with a chain.
It may be so, but I did never see it.LUCIANA
Come, gaoler, bring me where the goldsmith is:
I long to know the truth hereof at large.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse with his rapier drawn, and DROMIO of Syracuse
God, for thy mercy! they are loose again.ADRIANA
And come with naked swords.Officer
Let's call more help to have them bound again.
Away! they'll kill us.OF SYRACUSE
Exeunt all but Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of SyracuseANTIPHOLUS
I see these witches are afraid of swords.DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
She that would be your wife now ran from you.OF SYRACUSE
Come to the Centaur; fetch our stuff from thence:DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I long that we were safe and sound aboard.
Faith, stay here this night; they will surely do usOF SYRACUSE
no harm: you saw they speak us fair, give us gold:
methinks they are such a gentle nation that, but for
the mountain of mad flesh that claims marriage of
me, I could find in my heart to stay here still and
I will not stay to-night for all the town;
Therefore away, to get our stuff aboard.
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