|The Merry Wives of Windsor|
| Merry Wives of Windsor
| Act 3, Scene 3
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Enter MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGEMISTRESS FORD
What, John! What, Robert!MISTRESS PAGE
Quickly, quickly! is the buck-basket--MISTRESS FORD
I warrant. What, Robin, I say!MISTRESS PAGE
Enter Servants with a basket
Come, come, come.MISTRESS FORD
Here, set it down.MISTRESS PAGE
Give your men the charge; we must be brief.MISTRESS FORD
Marry, as I told you before, John and Robert, beMISTRESS PAGE
ready here hard by in the brew-house: and when I
suddenly call you, come forth, and without any pause
or staggering take this basket on your shoulders:
that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry
it among the whitsters in Datchet-mead, and there
empty it in the muddy ditch close by the Thames side.
You will do it?MISTRESS FORD
I ha' told them over and over; they lack noMISTRESS PAGE
direction. Be gone, and come when you are called.
Here comes little Robin.MISTRESS FORD
How now, my eyas-musket! what news with you?ROBIN
My master, Sir John, is come in at your back-door,MISTRESS PAGE
Mistress Ford, and requests your company.
You little Jack-a-Lent, have you been true to us?ROBIN
Ay, I'll be sworn. My master knows not of yourMISTRESS PAGE
being here and hath threatened to put me into
everlasting liberty if I tell you of it; for he
swears he'll turn me away.
Thou'rt a good boy: this secrecy of thine shall beMISTRESS FORD
a tailor to thee and shall make thee a new doublet
and hose. I'll go hide me.
Do so. Go tell thy master I am alone.MISTRESS PAGE
Exit ROBINMistress Page, remember you your cue.
I warrant thee; if I do not act it, hiss me.MISTRESS FORD
Go to, then: we'll use this unwholesome humidity,FALSTAFF
this gross watery pumpion; we'll teach him to know
turtles from jays.
Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel? Why, now letMISTRESS FORD
me die, for I have lived long enough: this is the
period of my ambition: O this blessed hour!
O sweet Sir John!FALSTAFF
Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate,MISTRESS FORD
Mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would
thy husband were dead: I'll speak it before the
best lord; I would make thee my lady.
I your lady, Sir John! alas, I should be a pitiful lady!FALSTAFF
Let the court of France show me such another. I seeMISTRESS FORD
how thine eye would emulate the diamond: thou hast
the right arched beauty of the brow that becomes the
ship-tire, the tire-valiant, or any tire of
A plain kerchief, Sir John: my brows become nothingFALSTAFF
else; nor that well neither.
By the Lord, thou art a traitor to say so: thouMISTRESS FORD
wouldst make an absolute courtier; and the firm
fixture of thy foot would give an excellent motion
to thy gait in a semi-circled farthingale. I see
what thou wert, if Fortune thy foe were not, Nature
thy friend. Come, thou canst not hide it.
Believe me, there is no such thing in me.FALSTAFF
What made me love thee? let that persuade theeMISTRESS FORD
there's something extraordinary in thee. Come, I
cannot cog and say thou art this and that, like a
many of these lisping hawthorn-buds, that come like
women in men's apparel, and smell like Bucklersbury
in simple time; I cannot: but I love thee; none
but thee; and thou deservest it.
Do not betray me, sir. I fear you love Mistress Page.FALSTAFF
Thou mightst as well say I love to walk by theMISTRESS FORD
Counter-gate, which is as hateful to me as the reek
of a lime-kiln.
Well, heaven knows how I love you; and you shall oneFALSTAFF
day find it.
Keep in that mind; I'll deserve it.MISTRESS FORD
Nay, I must tell you, so you do; or else I could notROBIN
be in that mind.
[Within] Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford! here'sFALSTAFF
Mistress Page at the door, sweating and blowing and
looking wildly, and would needs speak with you presently.
She shall not see me: I will ensconce me behind the arras.MISTRESS FORD
Pray you, do so: she's a very tattling woman.MISTRESS PAGE
FALSTAFF hides himself
Re-enter MISTRESS PAGE and ROBINWhat's the matter? how now!
O Mistress Ford, what have you done? You're shamed,MISTRESS FORD
you're overthrown, you're undone for ever!
What's the matter, good Mistress Page?MISTRESS PAGE
O well-a-day, Mistress Ford! having an honest manMISTRESS FORD
to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion!
What cause of suspicion?MISTRESS PAGE
What cause of suspicion! Out pon you! how am IMISTRESS FORD
mistook in you!
Why, alas, what's the matter?MISTRESS PAGE
Your husband's coming hither, woman, with all theMISTRESS FORD
officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman that
he says is here now in the house by your consent, to
take an ill advantage of his assence: you are undone.
'Tis not so, I hope.MISTRESS PAGE
Pray heaven it be not so, that you have such a manMISTRESS FORD
here! but 'tis most certain your husband's coming,
with half Windsor at his heels, to search for such a
one. I come before to tell you. If you know
yourself clear, why, I am glad of it; but if you
have a friend here convey, convey him out. Be not
amazed; call all your senses to you; defend your
reputation, or bid farewell to your good life for ever.
What shall I do? There is a gentleman my dearMISTRESS PAGE
friend; and I fear not mine own shame so much as his
peril: I had rather than a thousand pound he were
out of the house.
For shame! never stand 'you had rather' and 'youMISTRESS FORD
had rather:' your husband's here at hand, bethink
you of some conveyance: in the house you cannot
hide him. O, how have you deceived me! Look, here
is a basket: if he be of any reasonable stature, he
may creep in here; and throw foul linen upon him, as
if it were going to bucking: or--it is whiting-time
--send him by your two men to Datchet-mead.
He's too big to go in there. What shall I do?FALSTAFF
[Coming forward] Let me see't, let me see't, O, letMISTRESS PAGE
me see't! I'll in, I'll in. Follow your friend's
counsel. I'll in.
What, Sir John Falstaff! Are these your letters, knight?FALSTAFF
I love thee. Help me away. Let me creep in here.MISTRESS PAGE
Gets into the basket; they cover him with foul linen
Help to cover your master, boy. Call your men,MISTRESS FORD
Mistress Ford. You dissembling knight!
What, John! Robert! John!FORD
Re-enter ServantsGo take up these clothes here quickly. Where's the
cowl-staff? look, how you drumble! Carry them to
the laundress in Datchet-meat; quickly, come.
Enter FORD, PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS
Pray you, come near: if I suspect without cause,Servant
why then make sport at me; then let me be your jest;
I deserve it. How now! whither bear you this?
To the laundress, forsooth.MISTRESS FORD
Why, what have you to do whither they bear it? YouFORD
were best meddle with buck-washing.
Buck! I would I could wash myself of the buck!PAGE
Buck, buck, buck! Ay, buck; I warrant you, buck;
and of the season too, it shall appear.
Exeunt Servants with the basketGentlemen, I have dreamed to-night; I'll tell you my
dream. Here, here, here be my keys: ascend my
chambers; search, seek, find out: I'll warrant
we'll unkennel the fox. Let me stop this way first.
Locking the doorSo, now uncape.
Good Master Ford, be contented: you wrong yourself too much.FORD
True, Master Page. Up, gentlemen: you shall seeSIR HUGH EVANS
sport anon: follow me, gentlemen.
This is fery fantastical humours and jealousies.DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, 'tis no the fashion of France; it is notPAGE
jealous in France.
Nay, follow him, gentlemen; see the issue of his search.MISTRESS PAGE
Exeunt PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS
Is there not a double excellency in this?MISTRESS FORD
I know not which pleases me better, that my husbandMISTRESS PAGE
is deceived, or Sir John.
What a taking was he in when your husband asked whoMISTRESS FORD
was in the basket!
I am half afraid he will have need of washing; soMISTRESS PAGE
throwing him into the water will do him a benefit.
Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would all of the sameMISTRESS FORD
strain were in the same distress.
I think my husband hath some special suspicion ofMISTRESS PAGE
Falstaff's being here; for I never saw him so gross
in his jealousy till now.
I will lay a plot to try that; and we will yet haveMISTRESS FORD
more tricks with Falstaff: his dissolute disease will
scarce obey this medicine.
Shall we send that foolish carrion, MistressMISTRESS PAGE
Quickly, to him, and excuse his throwing into the
water; and give him another hope, to betray him to
We will do it: let him be sent for to-morrow,FORD
eight o'clock, to have amends.
Re-enter FORD, PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS
I cannot find him: may be the knave bragged of thatMISTRESS PAGE
he could not compass.
[Aside to MISTRESS FORD] Heard you that?MISTRESS FORD
You use me well, Master Ford, do you?FORD
Ay, I do so.MISTRESS FORD
Heaven make you better than your thoughts!FORD
You do yourself mighty wrong, Master Ford.FORD
Ay, ay; I must bear it.SIR HUGH EVANS
If there be any pody in the house, and in theDOCTOR CAIUS
chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses,
heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment!
By gar, nor I too: there is no bodies.PAGE
Fie, fie, Master Ford! are you not ashamed? WhatFORD
spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? I
would not ha' your distemper in this kind for the
wealth of Windsor Castle.
'Tis my fault, Master Page: I suffer for it.SIR HUGH EVANS
You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife is asDOCTOR CAIUS
honest a 'omans as I will desires among five
thousand, and five hundred too.
By gar, I see 'tis an honest woman.FORD
Well, I promised you a dinner. Come, come, walk inPAGE
the Park: I pray you, pardon me; I will hereafter
make known to you why I have done this. Come,
wife; come, Mistress Page. I pray you, pardon me;
pray heartily, pardon me.
Let's go in, gentlemen; but, trust me, we'll mockFORD
him. I do invite you to-morrow morning to my house
to breakfast: after, we'll a-birding together; I
have a fine hawk for the bush. Shall it be so?
Any thing.SIR HUGH EVANS
If there is one, I shall make two in the company.DOCTOR CAIUS
If dere be one or two, I shall make-a the turd.FORD
Pray you, go, Master Page.SIR HUGH EVANS
I pray you now, remembrance tomorrow on the lousyDOCTOR CAIUS
knave, mine host.
Dat is good; by gar, with all my heart!SIR HUGH EVANS
A lousy knave, to have his gibes and his mockeries!
| Merry Wives of Windsor
| Act 3, Scene 3
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