|Much Ado About Nothing|
| Much Ado About Nothing
| Act 4, Scene 2
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Enter DOGBERRY, VERGES, and Sexton, in gowns; and the Watch, with CONRADE and BORACHIODOGBERRY
Is our whole dissembly appeared?VERGES
O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton.Sexton
Which be the malefactors?DOGBERRY
Marry, that am I and my partner.VERGES
Nay, that's certain; we have the exhibition to examine.Sexton
But which are the offenders that are to beDOGBERRY
examined? let them come before master constable.
Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is yourBORACHIO
Pray, write down, Borachio. Yours, sirrah?CONRADE
I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.DOGBERRY
Write down, master gentleman Conrade. Masters, doCONRADE BORACHIO
you serve God?
Yea, sir, we hope.DOGBERRY
Write down, that they hope they serve God: andCONRADE
write God first; for God defend but God should go
before such villains! Masters, it is proved already
that you are little better than false knaves; and it
will go near to be thought so shortly. How answer
you for yourselves?
Marry, sir, we say we are none.DOGBERRY
A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you: but IBORACHIO
will go about with him. Come you hither, sirrah; a
word in your ear: sir, I say to you, it is thought
you are false knaves.
Sir, I say to you we are none.DOGBERRY
Well, stand aside. 'Fore God, they are both in aSexton
tale. Have you writ down, that they are none?
Master constable, you go not the way to examine:DOGBERRY
you must call forth the watch that are their accusers.
Yea, marry, that's the eftest way. Let the watchFirst Watchman
come forth. Masters, I charge you, in the prince's
name, accuse these men.
This man said, sir, that Don John, the prince'sDOGBERRY
brother, was a villain.
Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flatBORACHIO
perjury, to call a prince's brother villain.
Pray thee, fellow, peace: I do not like thy look,Sexton
I promise thee.
What heard you him say else?Second Watchman
Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats ofDOGBERRY
Don John for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.
Flat burglary as ever was committed.VERGES
Yea, by mass, that it is.Sexton
What else, fellow?First Watchman
And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, toDOGBERRY
disgrace Hero before the whole assembly. and not marry her.
O villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlastingSexton
redemption for this.
This is all.Sexton
And this is more, masters, than you can deny.DOGBERRY
Prince John is this morning secretly stolen away;
Hero was in this manner accused, in this very manner
refused, and upon the grief of this suddenly died.
Master constable, let these men be bound, and
brought to Leonato's: I will go before and show
him their examination.
Come, let them be opinioned.VERGES
Let them be in the hands--CONRADE
God's my life, where's the sexton? let him writeCONRADE
down the prince's officer coxcomb. Come, bind them.
Thou naughty varlet!
Away! you are an ass, you are an ass.DOGBERRY
Dost thou not suspect my place? dost thou not
suspect my years? O that he were here to write me
down an ass! But, masters, remember that I am an
ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not
that I am an ass. No, thou villain, thou art full of
piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good witness.
I am a wise fellow, and, which is more, an officer,
and, which is more, a householder, and, which is
more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in
Messina, and one that knows the law, go to; and a
rich fellow enough, go to; and a fellow that hath
had losses, and one that hath two gowns and every
thing handsome about him. Bring him away. O that
I had been writ down an ass!
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